Whew...it's been forever since I've had time to post here or even wanted to post here. This past year at work was hellish, but I survived and now my outlook is a little different on things. I've missed writing, but an infertility blog is not much if you don't have much to write about! Still no baby and not enough money set aside to pay for IVF....total bummer if I think about it.
In the meantime, I'm thinking about making some changes to this blog. I still want it to be an infertility blog, but I think I want it to be more. I've actually finally started getting into exercising (more on that in another post) and I've lost 15 pounds, but I'm not sure if I want to keep the name of this blog. Sometimes I think it limits what I can talk about here. I actually have another name in mind and I'm really debating whether I should make the switch and truly re-start this blog. I don't want it to go away, but I want more motivation to keep posting to it and I do hope I could get some constructive/positive feedback that will help support my struggle with my emotions over my infertility and my life. Maybe I am being a bit narcassitic, but while I want the anonymity of a blog to vent my frustrations and explore things in my life that I can't or don't want to share with my friends or family, I do want to know that someone out there is listening to me and gets the things I worry about, especially pertaining to this horrid thing called "infertility".
So, please bare with me and give me a few days....you might come back to a slightly revamped blog with a new name and added blogging flavor on the incites in my infertility and how it effects my life.
Thanks for being patient and being there for me, those of you who have actually been reading this blog. Back soon, I promise.
Showing posts with label infertility triathlon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label infertility triathlon. Show all posts
Friday, September 5, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
2...6...4!
My Stats
CD=15
Weight=264
BMI=44.1
Offspring=ZERO!
I'm back...battered and bruised from the holidays, but I'm back. I'm also stepping up to the plate and admitting it! I got on the scale (after a very long absence) and had XY weight me. (Please, we are WAAAYYY past the innocent, new married couple stage!) It was a WHOPPING 268.2! I quickly coughed up a "juicy rationalization" with the fact that it was the end of the day and I was fully clothed!
In the harsh, morning after the bathroom/getting ready routine with just my basic necessities (just can't get on the scale totally nude...just can't) on, I came out a slightly less whopping 264. That's my number and I'm sticking to it!
I am officially entering the year 2008 with a starting weight of 264!
Let the games begin!
CD=15
Weight=264
BMI=44.1
Offspring=ZERO!
I'm back...battered and bruised from the holidays, but I'm back. I'm also stepping up to the plate and admitting it! I got on the scale (after a very long absence) and had XY weight me. (Please, we are WAAAYYY past the innocent, new married couple stage!) It was a WHOPPING 268.2! I quickly coughed up a "juicy rationalization" with the fact that it was the end of the day and I was fully clothed!
In the harsh, morning after the bathroom/getting ready routine with just my basic necessities (just can't get on the scale totally nude...just can't) on, I came out a slightly less whopping 264. That's my number and I'm sticking to it!
I am officially entering the year 2008 with a starting weight of 264!
Let the games begin!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Sydney Bristow (aka Jennifer Garner) is My Hero!
CD-13
TT(Treadmill Time)=2 hr 24 min
TM (Treadmill Miles)=5.905 mi
TTM (Total Treadmill Miles)=5.905 mi
AliasEpisode=S1E1 "Truth Be Told" & S1E2 "So It Begins"
(S1E#=Season 1, Episode #)
I have a treadmill. It gathers a lot of dust. I bought it almost two years ago after my father passed away. It was supposed to be a symbol of a new life, a change in attitude. I was going to turn over a new leaf and become a lover of exercise, a new thinner, happier, healthier me. The dust is probably an inch thick by now and I am not a single pound lighter, but I have a plan.
I love the TV show "Alias". I have all five seasons on DVD and I've made a pact with myself. I'm going to re-watch every episode from start to finish, but I can't watch them unless I'm doing it while I walk/run on the treadmill. Sure Jennifer Garner didn't seem to have any problems conceiving her daughter, Violet, but she definitely seems to be a parent who likes the outdoors and getting exercise. Plus, the character she played on "Alias" (Sydney Bristow) could definitely kick ass against the bad guys and was always knee deep in exercise and action. I can't think of a better role model for trying to get my PCOS, overweight body in gear and try to embrace exercise, lose some weight, and hopefully make my body more fertility friendly.
The goal is to try to watch several episodes a week (although one a day would be perfect) while I'm walking on the treadmill. Each episode is about 45 minutes long (without commercials) and I think that's a good goal, especially if I work up to an episode a day. It's certainly more than I have been doing.
I started this past Sunday and watched most of the pilot (which was longer than an average episode). I ended up walking for 50 minutes and watching about 2/3rds of "Truth Be Told". Monday was super busy and I was a bit tired from the day before, but Tuesday morning I got up early for me (5:30am) and watched the rest of the pilot and then that evening I watched episode 2 (So It Begins) for a total daily time of 92 minutes. I've started off with zero incline and about a 2.5 mile speed/pace. I'm hoping to increase the incline by 1 degree each month and increase my speed by 1/2 a mile each month until I reach a 5 mile pace or have gone from walking for at least 1/2 hour to jog/running for at least 1/2 hour each session. (I can walk the rest of the episode time as a warm up/cool down period).
I think I'm off to a good start and I really think the whole "can't watch an episode of 'Alias' unless I do it while on the treadmill" will be a good motivator to get me started on the road to enjoying exercise. So stay tuned for further updates!
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The Starting Line
My Stats
CD-15
Weight-259 lb
Do you ever feel like you are constantly starting a project but never finishing it? I sometimes feel like Sisyphus. (The guy in mythology who constantly had to roll a rock up a hill.)
I feel like I keep starting a goal to lose weight and be healthier so that I can get pregnant and then it stalls. I know a lot of the time it is subconscious depression about two years of infertility treatments and no baby yet. (If I realize that does it make it subconscious?) I know that hearing my RE say after four attempts at IUI with fertility drugs that the next step was IVF (which we don't really have the money for right now) was a disappointment. I know that having to tell the RE's office that we can't do IVF#1 in September because we don't have the money to pay for it by then felt like a mountain was sitting on my chest. What I don't know is why with all these set backs, I still don't have the will power to see the goal of losing weight for not only my health, but also for a better chance at a viable pregnancy and stick with eating healthy, exercising, and taking my medications properly?
And so, I start again. It is almost September 1st. The company is out of the house. There are no "major" detractors (like the holidays or family stress) to get in my way. It is an optimal time to start fresh. This being the last week of August and my part crazy, part depressing infertility abounds summer, I have one week to get my s*!% together and get started on (and stick to) a new game plan.
Stay tuned!
CD-15
Weight-259 lb
Do you ever feel like you are constantly starting a project but never finishing it? I sometimes feel like Sisyphus. (The guy in mythology who constantly had to roll a rock up a hill.)
I feel like I keep starting a goal to lose weight and be healthier so that I can get pregnant and then it stalls. I know a lot of the time it is subconscious depression about two years of infertility treatments and no baby yet. (If I realize that does it make it subconscious?) I know that hearing my RE say after four attempts at IUI with fertility drugs that the next step was IVF (which we don't really have the money for right now) was a disappointment. I know that having to tell the RE's office that we can't do IVF#1 in September because we don't have the money to pay for it by then felt like a mountain was sitting on my chest. What I don't know is why with all these set backs, I still don't have the will power to see the goal of losing weight for not only my health, but also for a better chance at a viable pregnancy and stick with eating healthy, exercising, and taking my medications properly?
And so, I start again. It is almost September 1st. The company is out of the house. There are no "major" detractors (like the holidays or family stress) to get in my way. It is an optimal time to start fresh. This being the last week of August and my part crazy, part depressing infertility abounds summer, I have one week to get my s*!% together and get started on (and stick to) a new game plan.
Stay tuned!
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Triathlon Log-Day 1
My Stats
Cycle Day (CD)-?? Finishing RE ordered birth control pack, waiting for CD1 to start!
Height-5 ft 3 in
Weight-256 lb
BMI-44.3
Days w/o Bread-1
I've been really nervous about putting my statistics out on the web for all to see. I finally decided, "What's a better motivator than seeing the actual numbers?" Numbers are facts and the science geek in me keeps whispering, "You can't hide from the facts." Since this is my infertility triathlon, it made sense to keep a log and that's what this blog basically is; a log of my attempts to lose weight, exercise more, and overcome the infertility hurdle. Will I put up the stats every day? Doubtful. I don't think I can stand looking at my "weight" every day, but if people know my height and BMI, I think they can do the reverse mathematics involved to determine my current weight.
By the way, it's 5:03pm, I am officially blowing off yoga tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love yoga, but it starts in 17 minutes, so unless I leave right now, it's just not going to happen. I've had yesterday and today off from work so I could take a break, relax, work on cleaning out my home office. Status report: I've been reading parts of "The Sisters Grimm: The Fairytale Detectives" and "Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom" and I've got to say it's a bit more relaxing then sorting piles of paper junk. Meanwhile I've watched a little TV [House] and shoveled most of the paper junk off the office floor onto my bed. (Where else should I put it? It's got to go out of the room to be sorted or the room will never get cleaned.) AND, I go back to work tomorrow, so either I go to yoga and feel guilty that when I get home the piles on the bed will still be there and the checkbook will still not be balanced (or bills paid) or I blow off yoga and as soon as I'm done posting this, I go back to work on the office and the paper stacks.
The newly motivated fitness side of me says "go to yoga", but the old, I don't feel like exercising and there are too many distractions, chores, TV programs to watch instead side of me wins out.
On another note, today is Day 1 of "NO BREAD" and so far it's been good. I did eat some chips (swap one addiction for another), but I didn't eat the whole bag so I'm not beating myself up over that. I even tried to order the "cheese and fruit" plate when I hit the local Starbucks for a decaf coffee drink, but I was smacked down. No fruit and cheese platters left. Is that because they only make them for breakfast and it was 3pm or is it because I live in the middle of the heartland and meat is more prevalent than fruit trees? Needless to say, if I had paid the almost $6 for the cheese and fruit plate I would have felt better (than the toffee brownie I got instead-it didn't even taste very good), but XY would have made some snarky comment about the price if he were around. (The main reason I stopped ordering the "fruit plate" from McDonald's when he is with me.) But although I wanted toast for breakfast I resisted. I know it's only day 1, but it's a start.
In other depressing news, I just found out that my best friend's sister is having another baby (happy for her, sad for me). I also dropped off a baby gift for a co-worker today and I found out one of my best assistants is probably leaving her position with me to work in another office for one of my co-workers. [Not because of me, but because she hates our supervisor at this office branch.] It just reaffirms all the thoughts I've had lately about how my job hasn't fulfilled me in years and probably contributes to my unhappiness at times which of course goes hand in hand with the overeating. I really do need to dust off the information I have on the PhD program I want to enter and figure out how to change my life for the better. Is it crazy to want to still bring a child into all this? Is the fact that I'm trying to have a child a positive step or are the repeated IUI failures just a reinforcement of how disappointing my life can be? Still trying though...
Cycle Day (CD)-?? Finishing RE ordered birth control pack, waiting for CD1 to start!
Height-5 ft 3 in
Weight-256 lb
BMI-44.3
Days w/o Bread-1
I've been really nervous about putting my statistics out on the web for all to see. I finally decided, "What's a better motivator than seeing the actual numbers?" Numbers are facts and the science geek in me keeps whispering, "You can't hide from the facts." Since this is my infertility triathlon, it made sense to keep a log and that's what this blog basically is; a log of my attempts to lose weight, exercise more, and overcome the infertility hurdle. Will I put up the stats every day? Doubtful. I don't think I can stand looking at my "weight" every day, but if people know my height and BMI, I think they can do the reverse mathematics involved to determine my current weight.
By the way, it's 5:03pm, I am officially blowing off yoga tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love yoga, but it starts in 17 minutes, so unless I leave right now, it's just not going to happen. I've had yesterday and today off from work so I could take a break, relax, work on cleaning out my home office. Status report: I've been reading parts of "The Sisters Grimm: The Fairytale Detectives" and "Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom" and I've got to say it's a bit more relaxing then sorting piles of paper junk. Meanwhile I've watched a little TV [House] and shoveled most of the paper junk off the office floor onto my bed. (Where else should I put it? It's got to go out of the room to be sorted or the room will never get cleaned.) AND, I go back to work tomorrow, so either I go to yoga and feel guilty that when I get home the piles on the bed will still be there and the checkbook will still not be balanced (or bills paid) or I blow off yoga and as soon as I'm done posting this, I go back to work on the office and the paper stacks.
The newly motivated fitness side of me says "go to yoga", but the old, I don't feel like exercising and there are too many distractions, chores, TV programs to watch instead side of me wins out.
On another note, today is Day 1 of "NO BREAD" and so far it's been good. I did eat some chips (swap one addiction for another), but I didn't eat the whole bag so I'm not beating myself up over that. I even tried to order the "cheese and fruit" plate when I hit the local Starbucks for a decaf coffee drink, but I was smacked down. No fruit and cheese platters left. Is that because they only make them for breakfast and it was 3pm or is it because I live in the middle of the heartland and meat is more prevalent than fruit trees? Needless to say, if I had paid the almost $6 for the cheese and fruit plate I would have felt better (than the toffee brownie I got instead-it didn't even taste very good), but XY would have made some snarky comment about the price if he were around. (The main reason I stopped ordering the "fruit plate" from McDonald's when he is with me.) But although I wanted toast for breakfast I resisted. I know it's only day 1, but it's a start.
In other depressing news, I just found out that my best friend's sister is having another baby (happy for her, sad for me). I also dropped off a baby gift for a co-worker today and I found out one of my best assistants is probably leaving her position with me to work in another office for one of my co-workers. [Not because of me, but because she hates our supervisor at this office branch.] It just reaffirms all the thoughts I've had lately about how my job hasn't fulfilled me in years and probably contributes to my unhappiness at times which of course goes hand in hand with the overeating. I really do need to dust off the information I have on the PhD program I want to enter and figure out how to change my life for the better. Is it crazy to want to still bring a child into all this? Is the fact that I'm trying to have a child a positive step or are the repeated IUI failures just a reinforcement of how disappointing my life can be? Still trying though...
Monday, April 23, 2007
Here's The Plan
The challenge: lose a whole bunch of weight
The goal: lose a whole bunch of weight AND GET PREGNANT!
The health issues: Hypothyroidism, Insulin Resistance/Type 2 Diabetes, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, INFERTILITY!
The road blocks: too much food, not enough exercise
The Plan:
1. Increase my exercise level.
2. Overhaul the way I eat.
3. Get pregnant, have a baby, enjoy life.
The plan seems simple. The plan is hard. No matter how many times I've tried to lose weight, to deal with my emotions, to not eat when I'm upset, angry, emotional-I just never seem to follow through.
Is there hope?
Here's the good news (and the bad):
Exercise: yoga ( 1 1/2 years: 2 x a week), water aerobics (1-2 x a week for the past month)-a treadmill that I bought a year ago, that has been gathering dust for almost a year (but at least I bought it)
Nutrition: Horrid but at least I'm willing to admit that. I do like nutritious food, but I get so stressed out and busy with work that over the last several years I've gone from being a pretty good cook to being an even better junk food junkie. With the Type 2 Diabetes, I have learned the difference between things like "a glass of orange juice" verses "an orange". Unfortunately I have many times when I know that something is not good for my blood sugar but I eat it anyway. I also tend to be a closet eater.
Getting Pregnant: We haven't used birth control in almost 8 years. Still not pregnant. Too much weight-two much estrogen. Not ovulating properly. At least I finally stopped listening to the GP who wasn't doing any follow up, went to the OB/GYN and finally got referred to an RE. I've been seeing her for almost 2 years now-no luck yet, but at least I haven't been told that getting pregnant is an impossibility. Well, not yet anyway.
That's where it's at for now. Isn't that enough?
The goal: lose a whole bunch of weight AND GET PREGNANT!
The health issues: Hypothyroidism, Insulin Resistance/Type 2 Diabetes, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, INFERTILITY!
The road blocks: too much food, not enough exercise
The Plan:
1. Increase my exercise level.
2. Overhaul the way I eat.
3. Get pregnant, have a baby, enjoy life.
The plan seems simple. The plan is hard. No matter how many times I've tried to lose weight, to deal with my emotions, to not eat when I'm upset, angry, emotional-I just never seem to follow through.
Is there hope?
Here's the good news (and the bad):
Exercise: yoga ( 1 1/2 years: 2 x a week), water aerobics (1-2 x a week for the past month)-a treadmill that I bought a year ago, that has been gathering dust for almost a year (but at least I bought it)
Nutrition: Horrid but at least I'm willing to admit that. I do like nutritious food, but I get so stressed out and busy with work that over the last several years I've gone from being a pretty good cook to being an even better junk food junkie. With the Type 2 Diabetes, I have learned the difference between things like "a glass of orange juice" verses "an orange". Unfortunately I have many times when I know that something is not good for my blood sugar but I eat it anyway. I also tend to be a closet eater.
Getting Pregnant: We haven't used birth control in almost 8 years. Still not pregnant. Too much weight-two much estrogen. Not ovulating properly. At least I finally stopped listening to the GP who wasn't doing any follow up, went to the OB/GYN and finally got referred to an RE. I've been seeing her for almost 2 years now-no luck yet, but at least I haven't been told that getting pregnant is an impossibility. Well, not yet anyway.
That's where it's at for now. Isn't that enough?
Saturday, April 21, 2007
The Plan-Part 1
Well, I am slowly feeling better, so now it is time to try to move forward with "The Plan". One of the main reasons for this blog is to jump start my plan to lose weight. The one thing all my doctors agree on; lose weight and it will help you with your infertility/PCOS, thyroid problems, high blood sugar/Type 2 Diabetes. I don't disagree, I just know that it is one thing to be told something and it is another to really filter through that information. It is something totally different to actually take that advice and follow it. What is that phrase? "Easier said than done."
So, where to start? Part of me wants to start at the beginning-get the whole sordid story of my failure off my chest. Just lay out the plan? List my goals. That is so hard when you know how many New Year's resolutions have been started, but never accomplished. If I put it out there, if I put it in my blog, out there on the web for all to see...Is that a positive motivator or will I feel horrible if I am a failure once again? All I hear lately from my boss is that "change is a good thing" and what is change if not being brave enough to take risks, to try something new?
I chose "My Infertility Triathlon" because I need to be motivated to not give up on my chance at fertility, my chance at a family of my own (not just the screwed up one I was born into). As much as I love my partner, it's not enough. A child is something I have always wanted eventually and it doesn't matter if that child is biological or adopted, but at this moment in time I am not ready to give up on my chance to have a biological child. I'm not giving up on my chance to experience pregnancy and all it's joys and heartaches. I'm just not ready to concede the fact that I have let my past fears, problems, and issues ruin my dreams. I have let my past self create a totally different person than I envisioned my future self to be.
It is time for me to take control of my life and make it the way I pictured it. It's time to stop letting other peoples ideas, actions, and issues cloud my judgement and make me doubt myself. I am tired of running to the fridge for comfort every time I'm stressed or someone upsets me with their selfish attitude.
My plan is to try to embrace exercise, to really try to be more health conscience, to listen to my doctors advice with out letting it go in one ear and out the other. To stop finding excuses that keep me from stepping up to the plate and taking charge of my own destiny. If the doctors say "losing weight" will increase my chances of conceiving, then I need to acknowledge that and take charge instead of finding excuses to blame my problems on others and let this chance slowly fade away as every day my ovaries get just a little bit older.
Honestly, there is a plan. It will be revealed, but right now my other half keeps bugging me about hogging the Internet. An online homework assignment needs posting...I really need to get a freaking second phone line or DSL!
So, where to start? Part of me wants to start at the beginning-get the whole sordid story of my failure off my chest. Just lay out the plan? List my goals. That is so hard when you know how many New Year's resolutions have been started, but never accomplished. If I put it out there, if I put it in my blog, out there on the web for all to see...Is that a positive motivator or will I feel horrible if I am a failure once again? All I hear lately from my boss is that "change is a good thing" and what is change if not being brave enough to take risks, to try something new?
I chose "My Infertility Triathlon" because I need to be motivated to not give up on my chance at fertility, my chance at a family of my own (not just the screwed up one I was born into). As much as I love my partner, it's not enough. A child is something I have always wanted eventually and it doesn't matter if that child is biological or adopted, but at this moment in time I am not ready to give up on my chance to have a biological child. I'm not giving up on my chance to experience pregnancy and all it's joys and heartaches. I'm just not ready to concede the fact that I have let my past fears, problems, and issues ruin my dreams. I have let my past self create a totally different person than I envisioned my future self to be.
It is time for me to take control of my life and make it the way I pictured it. It's time to stop letting other peoples ideas, actions, and issues cloud my judgement and make me doubt myself. I am tired of running to the fridge for comfort every time I'm stressed or someone upsets me with their selfish attitude.
My plan is to try to embrace exercise, to really try to be more health conscience, to listen to my doctors advice with out letting it go in one ear and out the other. To stop finding excuses that keep me from stepping up to the plate and taking charge of my own destiny. If the doctors say "losing weight" will increase my chances of conceiving, then I need to acknowledge that and take charge instead of finding excuses to blame my problems on others and let this chance slowly fade away as every day my ovaries get just a little bit older.
Honestly, there is a plan. It will be revealed, but right now my other half keeps bugging me about hogging the Internet. An online homework assignment needs posting...I really need to get a freaking second phone line or DSL!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Wake Up Call-Part Deux
I didn't mean to take so long for another post, but life happens. I finally got in to the GP and she thinks I have costal chondritis (an inflammation/tear of the chest wall). Yippee for me-NOT! I had it once before, but it's not fun. It DEFINITELY makes you feel like you are having a heart attack and it takes awhile for it to heal and in the meantime did I mention the pain that just enforces the feelings of angst and worry? I was feeling better on Sunday, but then I did a yoga class on Monday (which felt great), but I think I pulled the muscle again-because the pain is back baby! Not as bad, but annoying, especially the feeling like I can't breathe and the constant yawning to try to catch my breath. Do I sound like a whiner? I feel like a whiner and I hate that feeling!
So, I went on a mini-break to New York and Kingston, Ontario (Canada) this past weekend. It was really nice-relaxing. I love Canada! It was fun to do some shopping and sightseeing in a more culture friendly setting. It was nice to get away from the stress of work. I wish I could learn to separate my personal life from my job and wash out the stress. We stayed near the St. Lawrence River. It was so peaceful being near a large body of water. Beautiful views, fresh air. The yoga class was in a building right on the river with wonderful views of the lake. I really enjoyed taking the class-the peace and beauty of it. Unfortunately I think it stressed my chest inflammation. What do they say, "an ounce of prevention=a pound of cure".
And then it was time to come home to work and stress and anxiety. Rested but not cured. How do I know this...back to the old pattern of overeating. I was doing so well over the weekend, then I came home and right away the boredom and stress started creeping back in and out came the potato chips and fast food quick stops. Ugh...I hate that part of me. I know I should be better, but there is just something within me that goes right for the garbage foods when I'm not feeling well or 100% happy. It's like I have this secret desire buried deep inside me to just ruin my own life!
Where am I going with all this? Well, it's part of the reason I named this blog "my infertility triathlon". My goal is to conquer this blasted infertility and the simplest way I have been told by all my doctors to accomplish this is to "lose some weight." Easier said than done, but I'm not getting any younger so what other choice do I have? It's something I've wanted for a long time anyway, but I keep letting my deep dark self-destructive feelings get in the way of any progress. Well, it's time to face my personal demons; vanquish the all-devouring food beast and get into the exercise loving groove. How hard can it really be? (Ha ha-I've heard that one many times before.) Next up...part one of the plan.
So, I went on a mini-break to New York and Kingston, Ontario (Canada) this past weekend. It was really nice-relaxing. I love Canada! It was fun to do some shopping and sightseeing in a more culture friendly setting. It was nice to get away from the stress of work. I wish I could learn to separate my personal life from my job and wash out the stress. We stayed near the St. Lawrence River. It was so peaceful being near a large body of water. Beautiful views, fresh air. The yoga class was in a building right on the river with wonderful views of the lake. I really enjoyed taking the class-the peace and beauty of it. Unfortunately I think it stressed my chest inflammation. What do they say, "an ounce of prevention=a pound of cure".
And then it was time to come home to work and stress and anxiety. Rested but not cured. How do I know this...back to the old pattern of overeating. I was doing so well over the weekend, then I came home and right away the boredom and stress started creeping back in and out came the potato chips and fast food quick stops. Ugh...I hate that part of me. I know I should be better, but there is just something within me that goes right for the garbage foods when I'm not feeling well or 100% happy. It's like I have this secret desire buried deep inside me to just ruin my own life!
Where am I going with all this? Well, it's part of the reason I named this blog "my infertility triathlon". My goal is to conquer this blasted infertility and the simplest way I have been told by all my doctors to accomplish this is to "lose some weight." Easier said than done, but I'm not getting any younger so what other choice do I have? It's something I've wanted for a long time anyway, but I keep letting my deep dark self-destructive feelings get in the way of any progress. Well, it's time to face my personal demons; vanquish the all-devouring food beast and get into the exercise loving groove. How hard can it really be? (Ha ha-I've heard that one many times before.) Next up...part one of the plan.
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