It has been a hectic, busy week. Needless to say I had a bit more spotting on Tuesday so I decided to do a store bought HPT and it came out negative. The next day (Wednesday, the 30th) I did the "official, doctor's office provided" pregnancy test and again it came out NEGATIVE. (Could the single control line have been any brighter?!) So, IUI#4 is another failure. Four tries for failures. The funny thing was, that this time when it happened and I told XY, he just said, "Well, we'll just keep trying." First time he's ever really said that during all this infertility testing, drug taking, artificial insemination stuff. Sometimes he totally just surprises me with wonderful supportive words and I realize how blessed I am to have married him. "We'll just keep trying." That totally helped me from diving right into a pit of despair.
So, I called the RE's office to tell them that #4 was a bust and I now have a "consultation" appointment with my RE scheduled for next week on the 14th. Luckily it is here (she deigns to come to my city once a month for consults) rather than almost 2 hours away. I'm just hoping that she more positive than negative. I am hoping she just decides to try different drugs or something. If she says go directly to IVF I will be crushed by the fact that we really are not in a position to afford that right now, since our insurance doesn't cover it. I know we should have been saving more, but sometimes you just can't or maybe I've been deluding myself with all these other infertiles stories of IUI working and I didn't want to face the fact that it might not work for me. Either way, I need to figure somethings out and I really just hope the consultation with the RE is more positive and geared towards my needs than negative and geared towards the RE's bank account. I know, I know pessimistic, but some things regarding the RE have been happening/bugging me lately, but I'll save that for another day's post.
As it was I was so stressed out over the work week and the failed IUI, I caved and ate some bread. Very bad, but psychologically it totally made me feel better. Nothing like a food crutch to make an emotional eater feel better.
Fingers crossed for the RE follow-up consultation on the 14th!
Showing posts with label 28 days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 28 days. Show all posts
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Sunday, Bloody Sunday
My Stats
CD-22
Days since IUI#4-11
Days w/o Bread=26
I am trying not to panic. Went to the bathroom a couple of hours ago and had a tiny bit of light pink spotting. I'm not supposed to take my pregnancy test until Wednesday (three more days). I am hoping it is just implantation spotting, but I'm fearing the worst. It's a holiday weekend and I could try to call the RE's office, but it is a Sunday and tomorrow is Memorial Day so I really don't think that anything can be done, especially this early in the cycle. XY says I should just relax and monitor it. If there is still spotting tomorrow then call the RE's office. I know he's right. I mean what more can they do? I'm already taking progesterone suppositories twice a day.
It's been a nice weekend otherwise. Relaxing. I've rented several movies including the first two "Harry Potter" movies. I want to watch all four before the new (5th) movie comes out in July. So yesterday, XY and I went for a walk around the neighborhood (about 20 minutes, but nothing strenuous). So today they are having a carnival in the parking lot of the local library. In the ten years I've lived in this city, we have never gone. So XY and I walked over (about 10-15 minute walk), looked around, played a couple of overpriced games, and had some food. He had a small (gigantic) sno-cone and I ate a funnel cake. It's more pancake batter than bread so I don't really think it was cheating. I do think it made my blood sugar go all wonky though, because when we got back I totally collapsed in the bed for about a two or three hour nap. I don't know I was just exhausted. Then when I woke up, that's when I discovered the spotting.
I've gone on a few trusted infertility blogs/sites (Thalia's Fertility Journey, BrooklynGirl, IVF Connections, Fertility Friends) and I'm just hoping that the spotting is from implantation and not my period coming early or a failed implantation. Fingers crossed, I keep praying that everything is okay and I'm really trying not to pull out an HPT and check. (Since the last time I did that during an IUI cycle I got my hopes up and then when the actual day came I got a big fat negative and later learned that HCG can create a false positive if you test too early.)
As for my 28 day "no bread" products, I've holding at approximately 8 pounds lost. I had one day where I slipped and ate XY's left over chicken burrito (darn you tortilla shell), but other than that I haven't had any problems. I don't even really miss all that bread! There's hope for my carb loading eating habits yet.
In the meantime, I am going to try to stay positive and wait till Wednesday for my pregnancy test. I'm really hoping this spotting was an anomaly and that it won't happen again. If anyone out there feels like sending positive thoughts my way, they would be much appreciated. That's all you can do right? Try to stay positive.
CD-22
Days since IUI#4-11
Days w/o Bread=26
I am trying not to panic. Went to the bathroom a couple of hours ago and had a tiny bit of light pink spotting. I'm not supposed to take my pregnancy test until Wednesday (three more days). I am hoping it is just implantation spotting, but I'm fearing the worst. It's a holiday weekend and I could try to call the RE's office, but it is a Sunday and tomorrow is Memorial Day so I really don't think that anything can be done, especially this early in the cycle. XY says I should just relax and monitor it. If there is still spotting tomorrow then call the RE's office. I know he's right. I mean what more can they do? I'm already taking progesterone suppositories twice a day.
It's been a nice weekend otherwise. Relaxing. I've rented several movies including the first two "Harry Potter" movies. I want to watch all four before the new (5th) movie comes out in July. So yesterday, XY and I went for a walk around the neighborhood (about 20 minutes, but nothing strenuous). So today they are having a carnival in the parking lot of the local library. In the ten years I've lived in this city, we have never gone. So XY and I walked over (about 10-15 minute walk), looked around, played a couple of overpriced games, and had some food. He had a small (gigantic) sno-cone and I ate a funnel cake. It's more pancake batter than bread so I don't really think it was cheating. I do think it made my blood sugar go all wonky though, because when we got back I totally collapsed in the bed for about a two or three hour nap. I don't know I was just exhausted. Then when I woke up, that's when I discovered the spotting.
I've gone on a few trusted infertility blogs/sites (Thalia's Fertility Journey, BrooklynGirl, IVF Connections, Fertility Friends) and I'm just hoping that the spotting is from implantation and not my period coming early or a failed implantation. Fingers crossed, I keep praying that everything is okay and I'm really trying not to pull out an HPT and check. (Since the last time I did that during an IUI cycle I got my hopes up and then when the actual day came I got a big fat negative and later learned that HCG can create a false positive if you test too early.)
As for my 28 day "no bread" products, I've holding at approximately 8 pounds lost. I had one day where I slipped and ate XY's left over chicken burrito (darn you tortilla shell), but other than that I haven't had any problems. I don't even really miss all that bread! There's hope for my carb loading eating habits yet.
In the meantime, I am going to try to stay positive and wait till Wednesday for my pregnancy test. I'm really hoping this spotting was an anomaly and that it won't happen again. If anyone out there feels like sending positive thoughts my way, they would be much appreciated. That's all you can do right? Try to stay positive.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Pass Me the Drugs...Fertility That Is
My Stats
CD-3
Weight-251
BMI-44
Days w/o Bread-7
Cysts-Big Fat Whopping Zero-Yahoo!
Fertility Drugs-Follistim 225 units tonight, W, & TH
Other/more Fertility Drug Helpers-prenatal vitamin, vitamin C, Metformin (2x a day), and a "small" shot of insulin right at bedtime.
I am so psyched. Progress is finally being made on all fronts. I went to the OB/GYN office this morning for my baseline ultrasound (u/s) and the tech informed me that she didn't see any cysts! First time in 6 months. (Well I'm not sure about December or February since I just couldn't face doing an IUI procedure either of those months.) I guess the low estrogen BCP my RE had me on this last month did the job. I spent the whole month feeling weird about taking those pills. (I think it's strange taking BCP when you are actually trying to "get" pregnant, not "prevent" pregnancy. My family history also now includes immediate family members who have had blood clots, so that is another freak out factor regarding the pill.) I know all these other fertility drugs (and the weight) can increase my chances for clots, but I really try not to think about that. Either way it looks like the BCP worked, so it was worth the worry. I just had to wait for my RE's office to call regarding the faxed results for a definite confirmation and I got it. No cyst, start the fertility drugs tonight.
I'm starting out with Follistim 225 units for the first three nights. This is typical from the last 3 IUI's I went through. It's reassuring to have the routine down, but the fact that the last three attempts failed does make me wonder if this combination of drugs is really working for me. The job is to induce my ovaries to produce healthy follicles, but at IUI#3 the nurse admitted that they do the procedure after the trigger shot assuming at least one mature egg will roll down the shoot, but they can't actually guarantee that it will happen. No real way to prove that I've actually ovulated. It's just a hope that I did and that XY's catheter inserted sperm will be strong enough and healthy enough to find that minuscule egg and fertilize it.
Either way, I am so excited to finally have cyst free ovaries so that we can try another round of IUI. I took my first shot (LOVE the ease of the Follistim pen) at 9pm tonight and aside from a little cramping (which never happened before with the Follistim) so far so good.
Other positive news: I haven't had any bread in a week and I've already lost 5 pounds. Now I know it's early in the race, but considering I haven't done any extra exercising I think it's a good sign that I'm down 5 whole pounds which brings my BMI down about a whole point! I know in the future I can't expect such quick results every week, but 5 lbs + 0 cysts = a good sign.
CD-3
Weight-251
BMI-44
Days w/o Bread-7
Cysts-Big Fat Whopping Zero-Yahoo!
Fertility Drugs-Follistim 225 units tonight, W, & TH
Other/more Fertility Drug Helpers-prenatal vitamin, vitamin C, Metformin (2x a day), and a "small" shot of insulin right at bedtime.
I am so psyched. Progress is finally being made on all fronts. I went to the OB/GYN office this morning for my baseline ultrasound (u/s) and the tech informed me that she didn't see any cysts! First time in 6 months. (Well I'm not sure about December or February since I just couldn't face doing an IUI procedure either of those months.) I guess the low estrogen BCP my RE had me on this last month did the job. I spent the whole month feeling weird about taking those pills. (I think it's strange taking BCP when you are actually trying to "get" pregnant, not "prevent" pregnancy. My family history also now includes immediate family members who have had blood clots, so that is another freak out factor regarding the pill.) I know all these other fertility drugs (and the weight) can increase my chances for clots, but I really try not to think about that. Either way it looks like the BCP worked, so it was worth the worry. I just had to wait for my RE's office to call regarding the faxed results for a definite confirmation and I got it. No cyst, start the fertility drugs tonight.
I'm starting out with Follistim 225 units for the first three nights. This is typical from the last 3 IUI's I went through. It's reassuring to have the routine down, but the fact that the last three attempts failed does make me wonder if this combination of drugs is really working for me. The job is to induce my ovaries to produce healthy follicles, but at IUI#3 the nurse admitted that they do the procedure after the trigger shot assuming at least one mature egg will roll down the shoot, but they can't actually guarantee that it will happen. No real way to prove that I've actually ovulated. It's just a hope that I did and that XY's catheter inserted sperm will be strong enough and healthy enough to find that minuscule egg and fertilize it.
Either way, I am so excited to finally have cyst free ovaries so that we can try another round of IUI. I took my first shot (LOVE the ease of the Follistim pen) at 9pm tonight and aside from a little cramping (which never happened before with the Follistim) so far so good.
Other positive news: I haven't had any bread in a week and I've already lost 5 pounds. Now I know it's early in the race, but considering I haven't done any extra exercising I think it's a good sign that I'm down 5 whole pounds which brings my BMI down about a whole point! I know in the future I can't expect such quick results every week, but 5 lbs + 0 cysts = a good sign.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Little White Pills
CD-1/2 (almost Day 1)
Weight-253.4 lbs
BMI-44.2
Days w/o Bread-4
Sometimes I think that the idea of ever having a baby is just a huge fantasy. It's like something right out of "Alice in Wonderland." It's falling down a rabbit hole, having to decide which side of the cookie you want to bite. It's relying on hopes, dreams, potions, and pills.
I finished the white pills out of my birth control pack. It feels so wrong taking birth control pills when I'm trying to get pregnant. I know that the RE has her reasons. I had three cycles with cysts and the "just rest and see if they go away on their own" directive obviously wasn't working. Hopefully taking the BC pills will even out my hormones enough to create a "normal" cycle. All I know is that I'm onto the placebo/iron pills of the pack and my period is starting. Not enough to call today (Saturday) day one, but I think I can definitely call tomorrow CD1.
If all goes well, this time I'll get the green light to shoot up a lot of infertility drugs (or should that just be fertility drugs) and XY and I can attempt IUI#4. Of course it couldn't be the worst possible time to try this with my work schedule this month, but the worst of my commitments don't begin till the 23rd. So if tomorrow is CD1 and we usually try an IUI between CD12-14, then at the worst CD14 would be the 20Th and I can just squeeze in the IUI before my stressful work deadlines arrive. (And we know how good stress is during all these proceedings!)
On a positive note, I've gone four whole days without any types of bread. I was really tempted to eat a burrito yesterday, but I stopped myself. XY came back from his work trip and the homecoming didn't go as well as I would have liked, but by the end of the day things had settled down so we went out to get a quick bite to eat. Dinner came with bread, but I passed it up. (It didn't even look very tempting.) I haven't told XY about my self-imposed ban on bread for the month, but he didn't seem to notice anyway. I also noticed that I dropped almost 3 pounds in the last 4 days so that's at least a "tiny" bit reassuring that this crazy idea might not be so crazy after all.
Weight-253.4 lbs
BMI-44.2
Days w/o Bread-4
Sometimes I think that the idea of ever having a baby is just a huge fantasy. It's like something right out of "Alice in Wonderland." It's falling down a rabbit hole, having to decide which side of the cookie you want to bite. It's relying on hopes, dreams, potions, and pills.
I finished the white pills out of my birth control pack. It feels so wrong taking birth control pills when I'm trying to get pregnant. I know that the RE has her reasons. I had three cycles with cysts and the "just rest and see if they go away on their own" directive obviously wasn't working. Hopefully taking the BC pills will even out my hormones enough to create a "normal" cycle. All I know is that I'm onto the placebo/iron pills of the pack and my period is starting. Not enough to call today (Saturday) day one, but I think I can definitely call tomorrow CD1.
If all goes well, this time I'll get the green light to shoot up a lot of infertility drugs (or should that just be fertility drugs) and XY and I can attempt IUI#4. Of course it couldn't be the worst possible time to try this with my work schedule this month, but the worst of my commitments don't begin till the 23rd. So if tomorrow is CD1 and we usually try an IUI between CD12-14, then at the worst CD14 would be the 20Th and I can just squeeze in the IUI before my stressful work deadlines arrive. (And we know how good stress is during all these proceedings!)
On a positive note, I've gone four whole days without any types of bread. I was really tempted to eat a burrito yesterday, but I stopped myself. XY came back from his work trip and the homecoming didn't go as well as I would have liked, but by the end of the day things had settled down so we went out to get a quick bite to eat. Dinner came with bread, but I passed it up. (It didn't even look very tempting.) I haven't told XY about my self-imposed ban on bread for the month, but he didn't seem to notice anyway. I also noticed that I dropped almost 3 pounds in the last 4 days so that's at least a "tiny" bit reassuring that this crazy idea might not be so crazy after all.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Triathlon Log-Day 1
My Stats
Cycle Day (CD)-?? Finishing RE ordered birth control pack, waiting for CD1 to start!
Height-5 ft 3 in
Weight-256 lb
BMI-44.3
Days w/o Bread-1
I've been really nervous about putting my statistics out on the web for all to see. I finally decided, "What's a better motivator than seeing the actual numbers?" Numbers are facts and the science geek in me keeps whispering, "You can't hide from the facts." Since this is my infertility triathlon, it made sense to keep a log and that's what this blog basically is; a log of my attempts to lose weight, exercise more, and overcome the infertility hurdle. Will I put up the stats every day? Doubtful. I don't think I can stand looking at my "weight" every day, but if people know my height and BMI, I think they can do the reverse mathematics involved to determine my current weight.
By the way, it's 5:03pm, I am officially blowing off yoga tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love yoga, but it starts in 17 minutes, so unless I leave right now, it's just not going to happen. I've had yesterday and today off from work so I could take a break, relax, work on cleaning out my home office. Status report: I've been reading parts of "The Sisters Grimm: The Fairytale Detectives" and "Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom" and I've got to say it's a bit more relaxing then sorting piles of paper junk. Meanwhile I've watched a little TV [House] and shoveled most of the paper junk off the office floor onto my bed. (Where else should I put it? It's got to go out of the room to be sorted or the room will never get cleaned.) AND, I go back to work tomorrow, so either I go to yoga and feel guilty that when I get home the piles on the bed will still be there and the checkbook will still not be balanced (or bills paid) or I blow off yoga and as soon as I'm done posting this, I go back to work on the office and the paper stacks.
The newly motivated fitness side of me says "go to yoga", but the old, I don't feel like exercising and there are too many distractions, chores, TV programs to watch instead side of me wins out.
On another note, today is Day 1 of "NO BREAD" and so far it's been good. I did eat some chips (swap one addiction for another), but I didn't eat the whole bag so I'm not beating myself up over that. I even tried to order the "cheese and fruit" plate when I hit the local Starbucks for a decaf coffee drink, but I was smacked down. No fruit and cheese platters left. Is that because they only make them for breakfast and it was 3pm or is it because I live in the middle of the heartland and meat is more prevalent than fruit trees? Needless to say, if I had paid the almost $6 for the cheese and fruit plate I would have felt better (than the toffee brownie I got instead-it didn't even taste very good), but XY would have made some snarky comment about the price if he were around. (The main reason I stopped ordering the "fruit plate" from McDonald's when he is with me.) But although I wanted toast for breakfast I resisted. I know it's only day 1, but it's a start.
In other depressing news, I just found out that my best friend's sister is having another baby (happy for her, sad for me). I also dropped off a baby gift for a co-worker today and I found out one of my best assistants is probably leaving her position with me to work in another office for one of my co-workers. [Not because of me, but because she hates our supervisor at this office branch.] It just reaffirms all the thoughts I've had lately about how my job hasn't fulfilled me in years and probably contributes to my unhappiness at times which of course goes hand in hand with the overeating. I really do need to dust off the information I have on the PhD program I want to enter and figure out how to change my life for the better. Is it crazy to want to still bring a child into all this? Is the fact that I'm trying to have a child a positive step or are the repeated IUI failures just a reinforcement of how disappointing my life can be? Still trying though...
Cycle Day (CD)-?? Finishing RE ordered birth control pack, waiting for CD1 to start!
Height-5 ft 3 in
Weight-256 lb
BMI-44.3
Days w/o Bread-1
I've been really nervous about putting my statistics out on the web for all to see. I finally decided, "What's a better motivator than seeing the actual numbers?" Numbers are facts and the science geek in me keeps whispering, "You can't hide from the facts." Since this is my infertility triathlon, it made sense to keep a log and that's what this blog basically is; a log of my attempts to lose weight, exercise more, and overcome the infertility hurdle. Will I put up the stats every day? Doubtful. I don't think I can stand looking at my "weight" every day, but if people know my height and BMI, I think they can do the reverse mathematics involved to determine my current weight.
By the way, it's 5:03pm, I am officially blowing off yoga tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love yoga, but it starts in 17 minutes, so unless I leave right now, it's just not going to happen. I've had yesterday and today off from work so I could take a break, relax, work on cleaning out my home office. Status report: I've been reading parts of "The Sisters Grimm: The Fairytale Detectives" and "Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom" and I've got to say it's a bit more relaxing then sorting piles of paper junk. Meanwhile I've watched a little TV [House] and shoveled most of the paper junk off the office floor onto my bed. (Where else should I put it? It's got to go out of the room to be sorted or the room will never get cleaned.) AND, I go back to work tomorrow, so either I go to yoga and feel guilty that when I get home the piles on the bed will still be there and the checkbook will still not be balanced (or bills paid) or I blow off yoga and as soon as I'm done posting this, I go back to work on the office and the paper stacks.
The newly motivated fitness side of me says "go to yoga", but the old, I don't feel like exercising and there are too many distractions, chores, TV programs to watch instead side of me wins out.
On another note, today is Day 1 of "NO BREAD" and so far it's been good. I did eat some chips (swap one addiction for another), but I didn't eat the whole bag so I'm not beating myself up over that. I even tried to order the "cheese and fruit" plate when I hit the local Starbucks for a decaf coffee drink, but I was smacked down. No fruit and cheese platters left. Is that because they only make them for breakfast and it was 3pm or is it because I live in the middle of the heartland and meat is more prevalent than fruit trees? Needless to say, if I had paid the almost $6 for the cheese and fruit plate I would have felt better (than the toffee brownie I got instead-it didn't even taste very good), but XY would have made some snarky comment about the price if he were around. (The main reason I stopped ordering the "fruit plate" from McDonald's when he is with me.) But although I wanted toast for breakfast I resisted. I know it's only day 1, but it's a start.
In other depressing news, I just found out that my best friend's sister is having another baby (happy for her, sad for me). I also dropped off a baby gift for a co-worker today and I found out one of my best assistants is probably leaving her position with me to work in another office for one of my co-workers. [Not because of me, but because she hates our supervisor at this office branch.] It just reaffirms all the thoughts I've had lately about how my job hasn't fulfilled me in years and probably contributes to my unhappiness at times which of course goes hand in hand with the overeating. I really do need to dust off the information I have on the PhD program I want to enter and figure out how to change my life for the better. Is it crazy to want to still bring a child into all this? Is the fact that I'm trying to have a child a positive step or are the repeated IUI failures just a reinforcement of how disappointing my life can be? Still trying though...
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