Friday, April 26, 2013

Trying to Move Forward

Tweeting and Pinning are the new blogging, but sometimes a dog doesn't want a shiny new squeak toy, sometimes a dog just wants a comfy old bone and in this case that's my blog. I try to embrace twitter and pinterest, but I feel guilty letting the blog languish so long. It's like saying I'm giving up on ever having kids, even if I know it probably won't happen, I just don't want to give up that final kernal of hope. So, I've decided rather than start a new blog (I like actual writing, not necessarily just spouting off one or two word sound bites) I will continue on with this one as a place to work on my goals (still many the same before the whole race for baby and IVF), still discuss my baby/infertility feelings, and continue to write down my thoughts and ideas someplace "semi" anonymous. So, hopefully if I make a point once a week (at first or at least) to write a post, that's one goal that I'll be happy to be working on. I guess part of it too is feeling sad that other infertility bloggers I read seem to have disappeared off the map...stopped journaling their hard and tiring journeys or maybe success was had by all and then they got busy with kids and life and I get that, I truly do just from dealing with my "non-internet" friends with kids, but sometimes I feel sad that I never got closure or no longer get to live vicariously through their triumphs in childrearing, but that's okay--at some point I think everyone tries to reinvent themselves, moves on, or maybe even just fades I guess right now, I'm not ready to move on or fade away, so instead I will try to reinvent myself a bit, but keep the same blog name, just share a bit more than the infertility sadness, and see if along the way I can really come to terms that I missed one of the best opportunities a woman can have (if she wants) but that I should try to keep on trying and while it does partially define me, I shouldn't let it break me.