Saturday, June 2, 2007

Crash & Burn

It has been a hectic, busy week. Needless to say I had a bit more spotting on Tuesday so I decided to do a store bought HPT and it came out negative. The next day (Wednesday, the 30th) I did the "official, doctor's office provided" pregnancy test and again it came out NEGATIVE. (Could the single control line have been any brighter?!) So, IUI#4 is another failure. Four tries for failures. The funny thing was, that this time when it happened and I told XY, he just said, "Well, we'll just keep trying." First time he's ever really said that during all this infertility testing, drug taking, artificial insemination stuff. Sometimes he totally just surprises me with wonderful supportive words and I realize how blessed I am to have married him. "We'll just keep trying." That totally helped me from diving right into a pit of despair.

So, I called the RE's office to tell them that #4 was a bust and I now have a "consultation" appointment with my RE scheduled for next week on the 14th. Luckily it is here (she deigns to come to my city once a month for consults) rather than almost 2 hours away. I'm just hoping that she more positive than negative. I am hoping she just decides to try different drugs or something. If she says go directly to IVF I will be crushed by the fact that we really are not in a position to afford that right now, since our insurance doesn't cover it. I know we should have been saving more, but sometimes you just can't or maybe I've been deluding myself with all these other infertiles stories of IUI working and I didn't want to face the fact that it might not work for me. Either way, I need to figure somethings out and I really just hope the consultation with the RE is more positive and geared towards my needs than negative and geared towards the RE's bank account. I know, I know pessimistic, but some things regarding the RE have been happening/bugging me lately, but I'll save that for another day's post.

As it was I was so stressed out over the work week and the failed IUI, I caved and ate some bread. Very bad, but psychologically it totally made me feel better. Nothing like a food crutch to make an emotional eater feel better.

Fingers crossed for the RE follow-up consultation on the 14th!

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