The Starting Line

My Stats

CD-15
Weight-259 lb

Do you ever feel like you are constantly starting a project but never finishing it? I sometimes feel like Sisyphus. (The guy in mythology who constantly had to roll a rock up a hill.)

I feel like I keep starting a goal to lose weight and be healthier so that I can get pregnant and then it stalls. I know a lot of the time it is subconscious depression about two years of infertility treatments and no baby yet. (If I realize that does it make it subconscious?) I know that hearing my RE say after four attempts at IUI with fertility drugs that the next step was IVF (which we don't really have the money for right now) was a disappointment. I know that having to tell the RE's office that we can't do IVF#1 in September because we don't have the money to pay for it by then felt like a mountain was sitting on my chest. What I don't know is why with all these set backs, I still don't have the will power to see the goal of losing weight for not only my health, but also for a better chance at a viable pregnancy and stick with eating healthy, exercising, and taking my medications properly?

And so, I start again. It is almost September 1st. The company is out of the house. There are no "major" detractors (like the holidays or family stress) to get in my way. It is an optimal time to start fresh. This being the last week of August and my part crazy, part depressing infertility abounds summer, I have one week to get my s*!% together and get started on (and stick to) a new game plan.

Stay tuned!