Monday, June 25, 2007

Just a Quickie!

My Stats

Vacation Day #-5

This is just a quick note to say "I'm Still Here!". Really, I'm on vacation, but I haven't had any time to post to my blog in almost two weeks and I'm going through withdrawal.

Here's a quick update:
**IUI#4-failed miserably

**Next cycle started and from CD8 though CD 16 (except for cycle day 14), XY and I had sex every day (sometimes even twice a day) and I really hoped that even without the fertility drugs and another IUI we might actually conceive on our own for once.

**Went on June 14th for consult with RE to find out "what's the next step?" Was told next step is IVF-go directly to IVF. Great, trying not to cry in RE's office. Asking isn't there anything else we can try, a different type of drug? NOPE-"IVF, but I'll put you on our "board"/waiting list right away, as the earliest we can fit you in is 3 months. Oh, and that's only if you have paid us in full for the procedure first." (Approximately $11K)

**Weird,early spotting on CD20,21,22

That's my quick infertility/cycle update. When I get back from vacation, I need to call the infertility cost lender that my RE's office recommended to try and get a loan for the IVF procedure which will hopefully happen in September since my insurance might cover the fertility drugs, but DOES NOT cover the actual IVF w/ICSI procedure.

As for the vacation, we are now in New York (state not the city). It took us 3 days of traveling through a lot of rain and possible tornado clouds to get here, but it finally feels like our vacation has really started. We stopped in Pennsylvania to visit some relatives, then headed up to New York and have now spent some time with more relatives and friends. It's been nice, but short. A lot packed into a three day stop and we definitely can't fit everyone in that we want to see, which really puts a damper on part of the vacation stop, but there is only so much you can do or so many people you can see in three days.

We leave tomorrow for an overnight stay in Boston, Massachusetts for a "RUSH" (greatest rock band ever-per XY) concert, then on to our nine day stay in Maine. I am so looking forward to all the seafood we will eat over the next week-YUM.

Well, I probably won't have computer access after tomorrow, so I won't be able to post again till we get back from our vacation. Hope everyone else is having a nice, relaxing summer trying to keep cool in this heat wave we seem to be having! Summer seems to finally have arrived! Now time for some relaxing!

Saturday, June 9, 2007

A Maine By Any Other Name Is Just A State

My Stats


XY and I are going on vacation to Maine in a couple of weeks and the "trip" panic is beginning to set in already. I love traveling, the panic stems from the pre-leaving planning stage. Do we have all the reservations? What will I forget? Am I bringing enough books and magazines to read? Am I over packing? Will we have time to fit everyone in, so they don't feel slighted? Will we have enough traveling money? Will I end up buying lots of stuff I really don't need because we're on vacation and then come home and feel bad because we were too decadent? That kind of worrying and panic. No matter how I try to plan ahead, it never seems to work. But, I have two weeks, so if I sit down tomorrow and make a day to day list of things that absolutely must get done for the trip maybe this time it will be okay. Ha!

The funniest thing that has happened so far it that a friend of mine told me the standard "don't worry go on vacation, relax, and nine months later you'll have a baby and call it "Maine". Normally I would be annoyed with the "just relax" comment, but she was really trying to be supportive and actually the name "Maine" goes pretty well with our last name and it's got me thinking. It's not a bad name. OKAY, EVERYONE OUT THERE WHO IS READING THIS, DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT STEAL "MAINE" AS A BABY NAME! If you want to call your kid, Texas or Tennessee or New Hampshire go right ahead, but if you have figured out who I am, live near me, or know me....DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT USE "MAINE" AS A BABY NAME. I had an incident happen a few years back where I had a baby name picked out and someone very close to me blatantly stole it (although she won't admit it to this day) and it caused me months of agony and I almost broke off our friendship because of it. It is a story for another time, but needless to say, while I am telling you this little vignette, Maine is still a cute name with a bit of cache' and so I would appreciate you enjoying the story but not "taking" the name (even if you give me credit). (I'll let you know several weeks after we get back from Maine if the name is up for grabs again.) Has anyone else out there ever had a selected baby name stolen from them by a family member, friend, or acquaintance? If so, how did you feel about it?

Well, in other news I made XY go to a "vascular" screening with me. We are getting to that age when free screenings and preventative screenings are beginning to seem important to me. Especially with the trying to conceive, the advancing years, and my other health problems, I want to know where I stand with regards to my health and how much I can do (should ignore doing) to make it even better. Well, our results came back and while XY wasn't happy that his BMI came back with him being "overweight" (get over it, it was only a point over and if he loses 5-10 pounds he'll be back to the "normal" range again) he basically had a clean bill of health for someone in their mid-forties. No plaque built up, good blood pressure, he's fine. I for the most part was also okay for someone in their mid-thirties. "No aneurysm, no plaque" with the typically higher (but still in normal range) blood pressure of someone who definitely weighs too much and has Type 2 Diabetes. The only weird note that makes my hypochondriac tendencies raise their hackles was a note that "aortic rather small". What the hell does that mean? It's not supposed to be "too large" that indicates an aneurysm, but what does "rather small" mean? I shouldn't worry, the Heart Center would hopefully tell me if that was a problem too, but I am going to call them back after the weekend just to reassure the worry wart that I am. (If it's not one freaking thing it's another.)

Like I said it's all just grist for my panic/worry tendencies that have built up over the years. It doesn't help that in trying to plan for this trip, I still have some reports to finish for work before I go. I'm also trying to clean house before company arrives after we get back. Oh and I also have my "consultation" with my reproductive endocrinologist this coming Thursday. I'm trying not to worry about it, but in the back of my head I keep thinking of questions to write down to ask her about at the appointment so I can figure out where I stand. At least yesterday, I mailed in my stupid $46 bill that I owe her clinic. That's one of those sticking points I'll probably talk about after the meeting on Thursday. (When we went for the last IUI I specifically asked the front desk person if I needed to pay the $46 still on top of the $335 for the insemination and they "didn't know"-read couldn't be bothered to check. So, right before I found out that IUI#4 failed, I got a "you need to pay this ASAP letter" from their billing department. People I'm trying to figure out how to come up with $14K to pay for a possible IVF and you're worried about $46 dollars which I would have paid you when I was in your office the last time, but you couldn't be bothered to check on it.) Okay well, I couldn't wait there you have it, that's one of the things that annoys me about the fourth failed IUI lately. It's not a big thing, but it's still grates on me when we've been going to this doctor for almost 2 years and still no results. I know that's not a very long time for some of you out there, but remember we've actually been trying for 7 1/2 years and I'm only getting older here people. Must stop now, I'm getting into a baby blues rut again. I should just go work on those reports and not worry about anything till the consultation on Thursday.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Crash & Burn

It has been a hectic, busy week. Needless to say I had a bit more spotting on Tuesday so I decided to do a store bought HPT and it came out negative. The next day (Wednesday, the 30th) I did the "official, doctor's office provided" pregnancy test and again it came out NEGATIVE. (Could the single control line have been any brighter?!) So, IUI#4 is another failure. Four tries for failures. The funny thing was, that this time when it happened and I told XY, he just said, "Well, we'll just keep trying." First time he's ever really said that during all this infertility testing, drug taking, artificial insemination stuff. Sometimes he totally just surprises me with wonderful supportive words and I realize how blessed I am to have married him. "We'll just keep trying." That totally helped me from diving right into a pit of despair.

So, I called the RE's office to tell them that #4 was a bust and I now have a "consultation" appointment with my RE scheduled for next week on the 14th. Luckily it is here (she deigns to come to my city once a month for consults) rather than almost 2 hours away. I'm just hoping that she more positive than negative. I am hoping she just decides to try different drugs or something. If she says go directly to IVF I will be crushed by the fact that we really are not in a position to afford that right now, since our insurance doesn't cover it. I know we should have been saving more, but sometimes you just can't or maybe I've been deluding myself with all these other infertiles stories of IUI working and I didn't want to face the fact that it might not work for me. Either way, I need to figure somethings out and I really just hope the consultation with the RE is more positive and geared towards my needs than negative and geared towards the RE's bank account. I know, I know pessimistic, but some things regarding the RE have been happening/bugging me lately, but I'll save that for another day's post.

As it was I was so stressed out over the work week and the failed IUI, I caved and ate some bread. Very bad, but psychologically it totally made me feel better. Nothing like a food crutch to make an emotional eater feel better.

Fingers crossed for the RE follow-up consultation on the 14th!