Saturday, March 31, 2007
Well, yesterday went downhill fast. If there's one thing an infertile doesn't need when trying to conceive it's stress or worse a panic attack. The day was going okay, not great, but okay. I am the first to admit I am not a morning person. So, I got to work and was easing into the day. I finally was getting into a routine and suddenly half the day was gone. I decided to grab lunch with a co-worker and that was my big mistake. I am definitely a "hate to lose control of the situation" person. Little did I know that not only would I not be driving to the fast food joint, but we were being joined by other co-workers (I barely know) who would be doing the driving. What I thought would be a quick 1/2 hour lunch turned into a 1+ hour lunch with me going into full panic/anxiety attack mode because my carefully scheduled work plans for the afternoon were rapidly disintegrating. I was trapped. I couldn't leave. I kept surreptitiously looking at my watch and was trying to control the rising panic that I would be late for a scheduled meeting. My mind was racing with freaked out thoughts and all I could do was smile politely and try to act like I wasn't about to scream with frustration! When we got back, I ended up going to the bathroom to sit in a stall to close my eyes, repeat the mantra "Om, shanti, shanti, shanti" (Om, peace, peace, peace) and try to do some rhythmic breathing to calm down and stop the massive panic anxiety attack I was having. It helped some and I worked through the 1 1/2 hour meeting and the rest of the afternoon. I went home and watched a movie (Babel) that I needed to return soon, but it didn't help. By the time bedtime arrived the panic/anxiety attack was in full mode with chest pains, tingling, heartburn, etc. It was a bad night and in the morning (even after getting a little sleep) I still felt horrible with chest pains so I caved in and had my guy call the doctor's office (on a Saturday no less) and next thing I know they are telling me to go straight to the hospital. [Apparently chest pains = do not stop, do not pass go, go directly to ER.] They were nice at the hospital, but after 3 hours, an EKG, some blood work, and a shot of some kind of acid reflux medication, I was informed by the nice Intern that yes, it was an anxiety attack, not a heart attack and would I like a script for either anti-depression medication or an anti-anxiety medication? I chose the later after she assured me it wouldn't be harmful to a pregnancy/fetus and that I only needed to take it when I was having another anxiety attack. On the way home, after grabbing a VERY late breakfast/lunch/dinner rolled into one my guy was too tired to hit the drugstore and the pain was less, so I will be filling the script tomorrow. (Hopefully not to use it but just in case.) Even though we didn't do an IUI this month because I had a cyst (3.1 cm/right side)-we had a boatload of sex to try for a natural PG. After all this stress, I'm thinking the chance of anything sticking if it did actually work is probably nil by now. I'll still check next week with an HPT, but who am I kidding? Stress is an MF when it comes to living my life, let alone getting pregnant.