Saturday, April 21, 2007

The Plan-Part 1

Well, I am slowly feeling better, so now it is time to try to move forward with "The Plan". One of the main reasons for this blog is to jump start my plan to lose weight. The one thing all my doctors agree on; lose weight and it will help you with your infertility/PCOS, thyroid problems, high blood sugar/Type 2 Diabetes. I don't disagree, I just know that it is one thing to be told something and it is another to really filter through that information. It is something totally different to actually take that advice and follow it. What is that phrase? "Easier said than done."

So, where to start? Part of me wants to start at the beginning-get the whole sordid story of my failure off my chest. Just lay out the plan? List my goals. That is so hard when you know how many New Year's resolutions have been started, but never accomplished. If I put it out there, if I put it in my blog, out there on the web for all to see...Is that a positive motivator or will I feel horrible if I am a failure once again? All I hear lately from my boss is that "change is a good thing" and what is change if not being brave enough to take risks, to try something new?

I chose "My Infertility Triathlon" because I need to be motivated to not give up on my chance at fertility, my chance at a family of my own (not just the screwed up one I was born into). As much as I love my partner, it's not enough. A child is something I have always wanted eventually and it doesn't matter if that child is biological or adopted, but at this moment in time I am not ready to give up on my chance to have a biological child. I'm not giving up on my chance to experience pregnancy and all it's joys and heartaches. I'm just not ready to concede the fact that I have let my past fears, problems, and issues ruin my dreams. I have let my past self create a totally different person than I envisioned my future self to be.

It is time for me to take control of my life and make it the way I pictured it. It's time to stop letting other peoples ideas, actions, and issues cloud my judgement and make me doubt myself. I am tired of running to the fridge for comfort every time I'm stressed or someone upsets me with their selfish attitude.

My plan is to try to embrace exercise, to really try to be more health conscience, to listen to my doctors advice with out letting it go in one ear and out the other. To stop finding excuses that keep me from stepping up to the plate and taking charge of my own destiny. If the doctors say "losing weight" will increase my chances of conceiving, then I need to acknowledge that and take charge instead of finding excuses to blame my problems on others and let this chance slowly fade away as every day my ovaries get just a little bit older.

Honestly, there is a plan. It will be revealed, but right now my other half keeps bugging me about hogging the Internet. An online homework assignment needs posting...I really need to get a freaking second phone line or DSL!

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