Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Wake Up Call-Part Deux

I didn't mean to take so long for another post, but life happens. I finally got in to the GP and she thinks I have costal chondritis (an inflammation/tear of the chest wall). Yippee for me-NOT! I had it once before, but it's not fun. It DEFINITELY makes you feel like you are having a heart attack and it takes awhile for it to heal and in the meantime did I mention the pain that just enforces the feelings of angst and worry? I was feeling better on Sunday, but then I did a yoga class on Monday (which felt great), but I think I pulled the muscle again-because the pain is back baby! Not as bad, but annoying, especially the feeling like I can't breathe and the constant yawning to try to catch my breath. Do I sound like a whiner? I feel like a whiner and I hate that feeling!

So, I went on a mini-break to New York and Kingston, Ontario (Canada) this past weekend. It was really nice-relaxing. I love Canada! It was fun to do some shopping and sightseeing in a more culture friendly setting. It was nice to get away from the stress of work. I wish I could learn to separate my personal life from my job and wash out the stress. We stayed near the St. Lawrence River. It was so peaceful being near a large body of water. Beautiful views, fresh air. The yoga class was in a building right on the river with wonderful views of the lake. I really enjoyed taking the class-the peace and beauty of it. Unfortunately I think it stressed my chest inflammation. What do they say, "an ounce of prevention=a pound of cure".

And then it was time to come home to work and stress and anxiety. Rested but not cured. How do I know this...back to the old pattern of overeating. I was doing so well over the weekend, then I came home and right away the boredom and stress started creeping back in and out came the potato chips and fast food quick stops. Ugh...I hate that part of me. I know I should be better, but there is just something within me that goes right for the garbage foods when I'm not feeling well or 100% happy. It's like I have this secret desire buried deep inside me to just ruin my own life!

Where am I going with all this? Well, it's part of the reason I named this blog "my infertility triathlon". My goal is to conquer this blasted infertility and the simplest way I have been told by all my doctors to accomplish this is to "lose some weight." Easier said than done, but I'm not getting any younger so what other choice do I have? It's something I've wanted for a long time anyway, but I keep letting my deep dark self-destructive feelings get in the way of any progress. Well, it's time to face my personal demons; vanquish the all-devouring food beast and get into the exercise loving groove. How hard can it really be? (Ha ha-I've heard that one many times before.) Next up...part one of the plan.

No comments: