Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Triathlon Log-Day 1

My Stats

Cycle Day (CD)-?? Finishing RE ordered birth control pack, waiting for CD1 to start!
Height-5 ft 3 in
Weight-256 lb

Days w/o Bread-1

I've been really nervous about putting my statistics out on the web for all to see. I finally decided, "What's a better motivator than seeing the actual numbers?" Numbers are facts and the science geek in me keeps whispering, "You can't hide from the facts." Since this is my infertility triathlon, it made sense to keep a log and that's what this blog basically is; a log of my attempts to lose weight, exercise more, and overcome the infertility hurdle. Will I put up the stats every day? Doubtful. I don't think I can stand looking at my "weight" every day, but if people know my height and BMI, I think they can do the reverse mathematics involved to determine my current weight.

By the way, it's 5:03pm, I am officially blowing off yoga tonight. Don't get me wrong, I love yoga, but it starts in 17 minutes, so unless I leave right now, it's just not going to happen. I've had yesterday and today off from work so I could take a break, relax, work on cleaning out my home office. Status report: I've been reading parts of "The Sisters Grimm: The Fairytale Detectives" and "Carpe Demon: Adventures of a Demon-Hunting Soccer Mom" and I've got to say it's a bit more relaxing then sorting piles of paper junk. Meanwhile I've watched a little TV [House] and shoveled most of the paper junk off the office floor onto my bed. (Where else should I put it? It's got to go out of the room to be sorted or the room will never get cleaned.) AND, I go back to work tomorrow, so either I go to yoga and feel guilty that when I get home the piles on the bed will still be there and the checkbook will still not be balanced (or bills paid) or I blow off yoga and as soon as I'm done posting this, I go back to work on the office and the paper stacks.

The newly motivated fitness side of me says "go to yoga", but the old, I don't feel like exercising and there are too many distractions, chores, TV programs to watch instead side of me wins out.

On another note, today is Day 1 of "NO BREAD" and so far it's been good. I did eat some chips (swap one addiction for another), but I didn't eat the whole bag so I'm not beating myself up over that. I even tried to order the "cheese and fruit" plate when I hit the local Starbucks for a decaf coffee drink, but I was smacked down. No fruit and cheese platters left. Is that because they only make them for breakfast and it was 3pm or is it because I live in the middle of the heartland and meat is more prevalent than fruit trees? Needless to say, if I had paid the almost $6 for the cheese and fruit plate I would have felt better (than the toffee brownie I got instead-it didn't even taste very good), but XY would have made some snarky comment about the price if he were around. (The main reason I stopped ordering the "fruit plate" from McDonald's when he is with me.) But although I wanted toast for breakfast I resisted. I know it's only day 1, but it's a start.

In other depressing news, I just found out that my best friend's sister is having another baby (happy for her, sad for me). I also dropped off a baby gift for a co-worker today and I found out one of my best assistants is probably leaving her position with me to work in another office for one of my co-workers. [Not because of me, but because she hates our supervisor at this office branch.] It just reaffirms all the thoughts I've had lately about how my job hasn't fulfilled me in years and probably contributes to my unhappiness at times which of course goes hand in hand with the overeating. I really do need to dust off the information I have on the PhD program I want to enter and figure out how to change my life for the better. Is it crazy to want to still bring a child into all this? Is the fact that I'm trying to have a child a positive step or are the repeated IUI failures just a reinforcement of how disappointing my life can be? Still trying though...

1 comment:

Deniel Hopkins said...

interesting and informative post. good read. :)
keep tri-ing ;)